Monday: Children bang on my window wanting food. I am submissive and don’t feed them as instructed.
Tuesday: I meet someone and we talk about feeding the hungry. She says, the day I stop having compassion for the hungry on the street is the day I should go home. I feel guilty because I have compassion for them. I see the joy in her heart as she gives food to those who ask. I feel guilty because I have passed by those same kids and not gave them food. I have stopped feeling bad cause they were beating my car for food. I go to bed guilty.
Wednesday: I go buy as much food as I can. I weep as I see a young boy so happy that he has some food. I did a good thing. The next boy throws the food back in the car cause he wanted money. I keep giving out food, most are ok with it, but few are happy with me. I go to bed feeling “good” about myself and saying, “I may not be able to feed every hungry kid, but I will feed all I can”. That night I feel good about myself. I start reading a book “when helping hurts”. Two chapters later I feel guilty again.
Thursday: I stop feeding the hungry kids beating on my window again. Not because I don’t have compassion, but because I am hurting by helping. I go to bed with the faces of those that I drove by with food and did not give.
Friday: I drive by one boy. He is not really any different than the 100’s that have knocked on my window. Just another face. Just another kid hungry. I drive off and see in my rear view window… crutches. I see the boy only has one leg. I am, guilty again.
Saturday: I come to the conclusion that after three months of this cycle, I know less now than I did when I got here. I realize how complex Haiti is. I finally understand the Haitian proverb; “there are mountains behind mountains”
Sunday: I repent and get ready for Monday as I emotionally get ready to do this another week. I pray for wisdom and understanding. I pray for the courage to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 05, 2011
How I ended up in Haiti
This is a long blog, so if your looking for a two minute informative or feel good read… skip this. This is a story one the journey of how I ended up in a fourth world country.
So, it’s been a while since my last blog. Honestly, I got so much heat from my unhappy American statements that I got cold feet. I need to realize that I am writing this for the future me as much as anything or anyone. I don’t want to forget how God got me here. How he has kept me here. How he as loved me here. What He has shown me. It’s been an incredible journey.
I wanted to sit down and write to my future self some things I know I will forget or at least put away when I am back in the states. I want to recall one of the most powerful moments I have had in Haiti. Now, I should say that by chance if you have word Livesay in your name, you won’t like what I am fixin to say. To be honest…. Don’t care. Hate this or not… it is what it is.
The start of my journey to Haiti.
So, I met Troy and Tara and the Tribe through our mutual friend Aaron. I guess all this started years ago when Aaron asked me to go to Haiti. When Aaron asked me, I said no. My thoughts was that Haiti needs to figure things our on there own. We need to fix our crap in the States first. We have enough starving kinds at home without trying to save the world.
At this point in life, I had pretty much considered Aaron family. We had been to battle together a few times and he is a legit guy. I don’t let many folks in my circle of influence, but once there… they stay. He and his bride are two of those folks on the inside. At the time I said no (to Haiti), I knew he was adopting and while I thought he was a bit nuts… since he was on the inside, I was stuck with him. Well, fast forward to another trip, another offer, and I still said no. Time passed and I felt God tugging on my heart to come to Haiti. I was in the middle of Wild Week (a summer camp I hang with) and Aaron called me. Aaron said… dude…. We had a drop out… you need to come with us. Without hesitating I said YES and before I knew it we were off the phone.
Have you ever had one of those conversations and when you get done you ask yourself… hum…. What the heck did I just do? This was one of those times. So, I come to Haiti. It was the end of the year (Ocotober I think) of 09. Months before the quake.
I was changed. Changed from what I thought I knew about life and what I witnessed. I am not responsible for what I have seen and what I have learned. God revealed to me that He never talked about US and THEM. It really does not take a degree in rocket engineering to do a word search in the bible on the words orphan, widow, and poor. Where I was before my trip and what I witnessed and learned after were at odds with each other. It’s like having a little voice on each shoulder arguing with each other.
If you have never been to Haiti, there are no words that can be said. No video that can be made. No storyboard that can be written…. Nothing can completely tell the story of the average Haitians life. That was all pre-quake.
Somewhere between then (1.5 years ago) and now…. I fell in love. Not with a nation… but with a family. During the months following the earthquake the Livesay family (aka Tribe) moved to the States for a while working on some adoption issues, I got to know them at least from a distance. One night specifically when they talked at the Stone (my church) I impacted. How God can use a couple for greatness who has a history of imperfection in the Kingdom was…. attractive. Those that know me know that I have done my share of ministry over they years. Teaching, home groups, revivals, road tours, worship school, Saturday night church, camp ministry. All this done… but all this done solo. I have yet to experience what this couple experienced. I witnessed a testimony from a couple that God had put together and it was beautiful.
Now, if you’re in ministry, you know as a couple its hell. Yes, hell. Satan is lion. He is crafty. Flying this journey solo has been lonely. So, seeing a couple in ministry is dang near erotic to me. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I thought I had it last year… but I failed… again. This couple however did not fail. No matter how hard the road became… they stuck together. They fought together. There was just something attractive about that. Something I felt I could observe and learn. But the more I observed, the more I fell in love.
Before you you get all Cinderella on me, these are real people. They error as much as the next couple. They fail. Get angry. They sin just like us who put our pants on one leg at a time. With all that, every day they get up, strap on the boots, and fight another day. They fight together as a team. They do it with as much love as they have in them. It’s…. the basic of basics.
Love God… Love others.
This love for the Tribe and their love for others is what brought me here. What I want to share with you… what I want to share with the future me… is the passion I see in them that I need not forget. Love hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, don’t give up. Keep pressing on. Now, all these things I have observed but God was kind enough to wrap up the one thing He wanted to show me in one picture. This one picture symbolizes so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, lessons, and how we should live life. I pray I never forget this.
Now let me setup how this picture was taken.
At PauP Fellowship church here in Haiti, I run the projector. It’s a thankless job and one that people only notice when you screw up. Do a good job, and your invisible. Pretty much the story of my life and why I guess I am comfortable doing it. This specific Sunday, I heard one of the most powerful messages of my life. Troy (The tribe leader but not the head honcho) had spoke of how Satan prowls around like a lion. Now, I don’t know if anyone else saw what I saw.. no clue… but I could see the lion prowl around has Troy talked. I looked outside the windows as the lion wanted to kill us. As Troy proclaimed the name of Jesus… Satan was pretty pissed off. Now, while the sermon was strong… what I witnessed after the summon may be one of the most telling moments of my life. In the photo below, Troy was ending in prayer. It was a GUT WRENCHING moving talk. It was personal. Real. Factual. Tears were shed by many, including me. I hurt as Troy shared intimate details of his dealing with the Lion. As Troy closed us, this is what God was kind enough to let me capture.
In typical Haiti/God time, He showed me a lifetime of lessons in a millisecond. So many things I could point out from this snapshot, but one stands out to me more than anything. The value of a woman who has a love for the Creator, her husband, her family, others, then her. Pretty much in that order. What an amazing picture of the biblical view of a husband and wife. I guess you can take anything out of this snapshot you like, but here is what I see. There is a lion viciously and patiently pursuing. He is prowling around the outer gates. Waiting and watching for weaknesses. A husband leading, praying, feverishly and passionately crying out to Jesus for protection, wisdom, and guidence. While the congregation is in prayer, there is one woman... boldly raising her hand seeking Jesus. She is in full support of Him and him. While no one sees this… He sees this (our creator) and he feels this (her husband). This one snapshot exemplifies so many things. But for me in exemplifies an imperfect couple who have found love, respect, and passion in each other and for our creator. May I never doubt the commitment and impact that imperfect people can have in a crazy world. May I never settle for less in my life.
I love you Troy and Tara (and tribe). Thank you for allowing me to walk a part of this journey with you.
So, it’s been a while since my last blog. Honestly, I got so much heat from my unhappy American statements that I got cold feet. I need to realize that I am writing this for the future me as much as anything or anyone. I don’t want to forget how God got me here. How he has kept me here. How he as loved me here. What He has shown me. It’s been an incredible journey.
I wanted to sit down and write to my future self some things I know I will forget or at least put away when I am back in the states. I want to recall one of the most powerful moments I have had in Haiti. Now, I should say that by chance if you have word Livesay in your name, you won’t like what I am fixin to say. To be honest…. Don’t care. Hate this or not… it is what it is.
The start of my journey to Haiti.
So, I met Troy and Tara and the Tribe through our mutual friend Aaron. I guess all this started years ago when Aaron asked me to go to Haiti. When Aaron asked me, I said no. My thoughts was that Haiti needs to figure things our on there own. We need to fix our crap in the States first. We have enough starving kinds at home without trying to save the world.
At this point in life, I had pretty much considered Aaron family. We had been to battle together a few times and he is a legit guy. I don’t let many folks in my circle of influence, but once there… they stay. He and his bride are two of those folks on the inside. At the time I said no (to Haiti), I knew he was adopting and while I thought he was a bit nuts… since he was on the inside, I was stuck with him. Well, fast forward to another trip, another offer, and I still said no. Time passed and I felt God tugging on my heart to come to Haiti. I was in the middle of Wild Week (a summer camp I hang with) and Aaron called me. Aaron said… dude…. We had a drop out… you need to come with us. Without hesitating I said YES and before I knew it we were off the phone.
Have you ever had one of those conversations and when you get done you ask yourself… hum…. What the heck did I just do? This was one of those times. So, I come to Haiti. It was the end of the year (Ocotober I think) of 09. Months before the quake.
I was changed. Changed from what I thought I knew about life and what I witnessed. I am not responsible for what I have seen and what I have learned. God revealed to me that He never talked about US and THEM. It really does not take a degree in rocket engineering to do a word search in the bible on the words orphan, widow, and poor. Where I was before my trip and what I witnessed and learned after were at odds with each other. It’s like having a little voice on each shoulder arguing with each other.
If you have never been to Haiti, there are no words that can be said. No video that can be made. No storyboard that can be written…. Nothing can completely tell the story of the average Haitians life. That was all pre-quake.
Somewhere between then (1.5 years ago) and now…. I fell in love. Not with a nation… but with a family. During the months following the earthquake the Livesay family (aka Tribe) moved to the States for a while working on some adoption issues, I got to know them at least from a distance. One night specifically when they talked at the Stone (my church) I impacted. How God can use a couple for greatness who has a history of imperfection in the Kingdom was…. attractive. Those that know me know that I have done my share of ministry over they years. Teaching, home groups, revivals, road tours, worship school, Saturday night church, camp ministry. All this done… but all this done solo. I have yet to experience what this couple experienced. I witnessed a testimony from a couple that God had put together and it was beautiful.
Now, if you’re in ministry, you know as a couple its hell. Yes, hell. Satan is lion. He is crafty. Flying this journey solo has been lonely. So, seeing a couple in ministry is dang near erotic to me. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I thought I had it last year… but I failed… again. This couple however did not fail. No matter how hard the road became… they stuck together. They fought together. There was just something attractive about that. Something I felt I could observe and learn. But the more I observed, the more I fell in love.
Before you you get all Cinderella on me, these are real people. They error as much as the next couple. They fail. Get angry. They sin just like us who put our pants on one leg at a time. With all that, every day they get up, strap on the boots, and fight another day. They fight together as a team. They do it with as much love as they have in them. It’s…. the basic of basics.
Love God… Love others.
This love for the Tribe and their love for others is what brought me here. What I want to share with you… what I want to share with the future me… is the passion I see in them that I need not forget. Love hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, don’t give up. Keep pressing on. Now, all these things I have observed but God was kind enough to wrap up the one thing He wanted to show me in one picture. This one picture symbolizes so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, lessons, and how we should live life. I pray I never forget this.
Now let me setup how this picture was taken.
At PauP Fellowship church here in Haiti, I run the projector. It’s a thankless job and one that people only notice when you screw up. Do a good job, and your invisible. Pretty much the story of my life and why I guess I am comfortable doing it. This specific Sunday, I heard one of the most powerful messages of my life. Troy (The tribe leader but not the head honcho) had spoke of how Satan prowls around like a lion. Now, I don’t know if anyone else saw what I saw.. no clue… but I could see the lion prowl around has Troy talked. I looked outside the windows as the lion wanted to kill us. As Troy proclaimed the name of Jesus… Satan was pretty pissed off. Now, while the sermon was strong… what I witnessed after the summon may be one of the most telling moments of my life. In the photo below, Troy was ending in prayer. It was a GUT WRENCHING moving talk. It was personal. Real. Factual. Tears were shed by many, including me. I hurt as Troy shared intimate details of his dealing with the Lion. As Troy closed us, this is what God was kind enough to let me capture.
In typical Haiti/God time, He showed me a lifetime of lessons in a millisecond. So many things I could point out from this snapshot, but one stands out to me more than anything. The value of a woman who has a love for the Creator, her husband, her family, others, then her. Pretty much in that order. What an amazing picture of the biblical view of a husband and wife. I guess you can take anything out of this snapshot you like, but here is what I see. There is a lion viciously and patiently pursuing. He is prowling around the outer gates. Waiting and watching for weaknesses. A husband leading, praying, feverishly and passionately crying out to Jesus for protection, wisdom, and guidence. While the congregation is in prayer, there is one woman... boldly raising her hand seeking Jesus. She is in full support of Him and him. While no one sees this… He sees this (our creator) and he feels this (her husband). This one snapshot exemplifies so many things. But for me in exemplifies an imperfect couple who have found love, respect, and passion in each other and for our creator. May I never doubt the commitment and impact that imperfect people can have in a crazy world. May I never settle for less in my life.
I love you Troy and Tara (and tribe). Thank you for allowing me to walk a part of this journey with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)