A typical week of my view of feeding hungry kids in Haiti

Monday: Children bang on my window wanting food. I am submissive and don’t feed them as instructed.

Tuesday: I meet someone and we talk about feeding the hungry. She says, the day I stop having compassion for the hungry on the street is the day I should go home. I feel guilty because I have compassion for them. I see the joy in her heart as she gives food to those who ask. I feel guilty because I have passed by those same kids and not gave them food. I have stopped feeling bad cause they were beating my car for food. I go to bed guilty.

Wednesday: I go buy as much food as I can. I weep as I see a young boy so happy that he has some food. I did a good thing. The next boy throws the food back in the car cause he wanted money. I keep giving out food, most are ok with it, but few are happy with me. I go to bed feeling “good” about myself and saying, “I may not be able to feed every hungry kid, but I will feed all I can”. That night I feel good about myself. I start reading a book “when helping hurts”. Two chapters later I feel guilty again.

Thursday: I stop feeding the hungry kids beating on my window again. Not because I don’t have compassion, but because I am hurting by helping. I go to bed with the faces of those that I drove by with food and did not give.

Friday: I drive by one boy. He is not really any different than the 100’s that have knocked on my window. Just another face. Just another kid hungry. I drive off and see in my rear view window… crutches. I see the boy only has one leg. I am, guilty again.

Saturday: I come to the conclusion that after three months of this cycle, I know less now than I did when I got here. I realize how complex Haiti is. I finally understand the Haitian proverb; “there are mountains behind mountains”

Sunday: I repent and get ready for Monday as I emotionally get ready to do this another week. I pray for wisdom and understanding. I pray for the courage to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.