Since my return form Haiti back in 2011, I’ve not had a lot to say. Today I come out of the closet.
I am sure I won’t change anyone mind on this subject. I am hoping you can at least get an understanding of conservatives point of view. We are not evil, we just are out of money. We won’t be around long enough to help anyone at the spending rate we are going.
1) The media wants’ to classify conservatives in a category of uncaring non-compassionate people. This is the exact opposite of reality. Conservatives by every study are more giving. The difference is that we want to give and help who we feel led to give to. Government never can and never will fill the compassionate roll. When it does, it fails. We can’t even help ourselves (Social Security, Medicare, Medicate, the list goes on). We the church should be doing that. We the people without faith should be doing that. The more our Government does, the less the church does, the less we the people do. As a constitutionalist view, the government is here to only follow that document. Governments roll is to protect us. Nothing more - nothing less. (This guy explains this perfect)
2)No one I know thinks we should be bombing countries then leaving them. If we have a reason to bomb them (something I questioned from the start) then we have the obligation to stay and protect the good people till they can protect themselves. I was not a fan of the Iraq war, but now that it’s done, pulling out is cowardly and not compassionate. We keep doing Luke 11:26 over and over again. There are so many great ways using capitalism to help repair damage from evil.
3) As a refugee (one generation removed), My family (while German) was wiped out by the Nazi regime for our faith. My father and his family was properly put through a vigorous vetting system. The vetting system we have had till recent years ask one question. The basic question is "Is the person being vetted good for America". Does this person have faith and if so, in what. Can this person work? If so how?. You may or may not like the process but folks like me want a process. If you don't like the process, then let's change it. Then whatever it's changed to, let's stick to that. This business of one man (the president in this case) making executive decisions based on what he wants regardless of the rules is not good for this country (I have a pen and I will use it). Most folks like me (and most states) hear most of our government heads saying the vetting process won't work in this case. It’s different than any other time in the past because you/we are fighting someone who wants us dead. Someone who get’s glory from killing us. The director of the FBI about the vetting process "We don’t have it under control” "it’s not even close to being under control". While I am not a Paul Ryan fan, I do agree with his thought of “Wait! Lets look at this and see if it’s wise”. This is the designated roll of congress (war & spending our money). I want to allow them to do their job.
4) When my family was allowed to come to the US, they had to basically become slaves to the person(s) who brought them here (indentured servant). While this did not work out well for my family (they ended up in slavery for many years), generally speaking this worked out well for both sides. Now we are bringing folks in and producing a poverty mentality. This mentality unfortunately is growing because of the influx of the way our government is handling this. We don't like it. We don't want it. The government historically has been the epitome of the book “when helping hurts”. The American government is excellent at war, but they suck in the compassion department. That is the roll of us, the church. I like it this way or should I say, the way it was. We the people need to be acting, not we the government.
5) In the end it always gets down to money. This is something we don't have. Each of my children now owes $156K (per tax payer). What kind of a father sits idly by and lets his government do this to his children? I simply have to much compassion for them to not fight for their future while teaching them true individual compassion... or trying to.
6) If we keep spending like we are, we won't have any resources to help anyone... including ourselves.
7) Everyone has a boarder. Every church has doors. Every family, every country, every NGO. I have little experience in the NGO, but what I do know shows me that they turn people away. They have walls around their compound, around their houses, around their neighborhoods. They don't allow just anyone to come in. They help folks according to their resources. An organization that is spending more than it’s making won’t be around for long. This all seems wise to me. I've seen the benefit of these walls. Without them, the organization ceases to exist. Until we get our spending under control, we will end up like the refugees we are trying to help.
Politics wants you to feel like if you don't think the way I do, then you are evil. I am sure anyone who might have taken the time to read this far has disagreements with me. I’m all about that. I am all about changing my mind. I am pretty much open to anything that does not include spending money we don’t have. That’s where we are today. Thank you for reading this. I hope someone (if anyone) reading this get a little out of it. Especially my kiddos!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Living in the USA after living in Haiti & what not to ask me
After a few months in Haiti, I have returned back to the land of plenty. After a week here, I struggle. I apologize in advance for making you mad. Kind of.
This post will make you mad if:
* you have never been outside the states
* if you have done a poverty tour vacation (AKA: short term mission trip)
* you went on a mission trip to a poverty stricken country and came back feeling good
* you have been to Haiti and know more now about how to fix it than when you left
* your FB is loaded with you holding all the children you loved on from the orphanage you visited
* you have been around me in this week and now realized I wanted to punch you in the neck
Here is a short list of struggles that comes to mind:
* Biting my lip at the ignorance of a land so rich
* my inability to just relax
* not “fitting in”
* not wanting to “fit in”
* to do something meaningful
* to be someone meaningful
* waking up to the silence of the house I live in now (no roosters, dogs, UN helicopters...etc)
* knowing “what’s next”
* not feeling guilty for every wrong thing that has happened while I have been gone
* feeling crowded
* feeling alone
* enjoying the friends I have missed
* missing the friends I have made
* wanting to punch people in the neck (that’s for you Jeff) for asking STUPID questions
* enjoying a wonderful meal in a restaurant with a bill that is more than most employed Haitians salary in a week and more than most in a month. Those that are lucky enough to be employed.
* realizing that I won the zip code loto when I was born
* realizing I am now responsible for what I have witnessed... I am no longer ignorant to poverty
* just enjoying
Top Questions NOT to ask someone returning from Haiti:
Here are the top questions I have had since my return. If you have a friend who has gone to serve in whatever manner and you want to ask one of these questions.... don’t.
* How is Haiti?
hum..... How do you think it is moron? Really? You do know that there are estimates of up to a million orphans there... right? Honestly dude... all it takes is 10 minutes on google to see how Haiti is. How the heck do I answer that?
* Did you have a blast in Haiti?
The kids beating on my window EVERY day at most every intersection
... blast
* Watching my friends make life and death choices every day while trying to server
... blast
* Talking with teen boys who don’t have parents and have a better understanding of poverty and hopelessness than 99% of Americans (including me), them asking me “We don’t want a hand out, we want hope. What can we do to have a better future?” With my reply “I don’t know”
... blast
* Seeing dead bodies frequently of young people and the lack of value put on them... blast
* Returning an orphan to that was so sick to a place where he will in short order be sick and hungry again cause there was no choice. To have thoughts that this child is better of dead than living..... blast
* Hearing a leader of a church wonder how he is going to spin this (support of an orphanage) to make it look good because if the church “really” knew what was going on, they could not grasp it..... blast
* this list is endless but I think I will stop here
Are you going to Japan now to help?
I only have sadness when I hear this.
How do we fix it?
How does one answer this knowing full well the the person asking the question has a heart to help.... but pretty much zero intentions to hear the answer? Secondly, 90% of the time I am asked this in passing. As in, I am going to give a 30 second answer as to how to fix it. Thirdly, I don’t know.
Man, I can’t wait to hear about your adventure!
Don’t make this statement to someone who went to Haiti... seriously.
Note:
* I have pictures on my FB of children in an orphanage
* I have done the STM poverty vacation tour too
* I have asked these questions before too
This post will make you mad if:
* you have never been outside the states
* if you have done a poverty tour vacation (AKA: short term mission trip)
* you went on a mission trip to a poverty stricken country and came back feeling good
* you have been to Haiti and know more now about how to fix it than when you left
* your FB is loaded with you holding all the children you loved on from the orphanage you visited
* you have been around me in this week and now realized I wanted to punch you in the neck
Here is a short list of struggles that comes to mind:
* Biting my lip at the ignorance of a land so rich
* my inability to just relax
* not “fitting in”
* not wanting to “fit in”
* to do something meaningful
* to be someone meaningful
* waking up to the silence of the house I live in now (no roosters, dogs, UN helicopters...etc)
* knowing “what’s next”
* not feeling guilty for every wrong thing that has happened while I have been gone
* feeling crowded
* feeling alone
* enjoying the friends I have missed
* missing the friends I have made
* wanting to punch people in the neck (that’s for you Jeff) for asking STUPID questions
* enjoying a wonderful meal in a restaurant with a bill that is more than most employed Haitians salary in a week and more than most in a month. Those that are lucky enough to be employed.
* realizing that I won the zip code loto when I was born
* realizing I am now responsible for what I have witnessed... I am no longer ignorant to poverty
* just enjoying
Top Questions NOT to ask someone returning from Haiti:
Here are the top questions I have had since my return. If you have a friend who has gone to serve in whatever manner and you want to ask one of these questions.... don’t.
* How is Haiti?
hum..... How do you think it is moron? Really? You do know that there are estimates of up to a million orphans there... right? Honestly dude... all it takes is 10 minutes on google to see how Haiti is. How the heck do I answer that?
* Did you have a blast in Haiti?
The kids beating on my window EVERY day at most every intersection
... blast
* Watching my friends make life and death choices every day while trying to server
... blast
* Talking with teen boys who don’t have parents and have a better understanding of poverty and hopelessness than 99% of Americans (including me), them asking me “We don’t want a hand out, we want hope. What can we do to have a better future?” With my reply “I don’t know”
... blast
* Seeing dead bodies frequently of young people and the lack of value put on them... blast
* Returning an orphan to that was so sick to a place where he will in short order be sick and hungry again cause there was no choice. To have thoughts that this child is better of dead than living..... blast
* Hearing a leader of a church wonder how he is going to spin this (support of an orphanage) to make it look good because if the church “really” knew what was going on, they could not grasp it..... blast
* this list is endless but I think I will stop here
Are you going to Japan now to help?
I only have sadness when I hear this.
How do we fix it?
How does one answer this knowing full well the the person asking the question has a heart to help.... but pretty much zero intentions to hear the answer? Secondly, 90% of the time I am asked this in passing. As in, I am going to give a 30 second answer as to how to fix it. Thirdly, I don’t know.
Man, I can’t wait to hear about your adventure!
Don’t make this statement to someone who went to Haiti... seriously.
Note:
* I have pictures on my FB of children in an orphanage
* I have done the STM poverty vacation tour too
* I have asked these questions before too
Monday, March 28, 2011
A typical week of my view of feeding hungry kids in Haiti
Monday: Children bang on my window wanting food. I am submissive and don’t feed them as instructed.
Tuesday: I meet someone and we talk about feeding the hungry. She says, the day I stop having compassion for the hungry on the street is the day I should go home. I feel guilty because I have compassion for them. I see the joy in her heart as she gives food to those who ask. I feel guilty because I have passed by those same kids and not gave them food. I have stopped feeling bad cause they were beating my car for food. I go to bed guilty.
Wednesday: I go buy as much food as I can. I weep as I see a young boy so happy that he has some food. I did a good thing. The next boy throws the food back in the car cause he wanted money. I keep giving out food, most are ok with it, but few are happy with me. I go to bed feeling “good” about myself and saying, “I may not be able to feed every hungry kid, but I will feed all I can”. That night I feel good about myself. I start reading a book “when helping hurts”. Two chapters later I feel guilty again.
Thursday: I stop feeding the hungry kids beating on my window again. Not because I don’t have compassion, but because I am hurting by helping. I go to bed with the faces of those that I drove by with food and did not give.
Friday: I drive by one boy. He is not really any different than the 100’s that have knocked on my window. Just another face. Just another kid hungry. I drive off and see in my rear view window… crutches. I see the boy only has one leg. I am, guilty again.
Saturday: I come to the conclusion that after three months of this cycle, I know less now than I did when I got here. I realize how complex Haiti is. I finally understand the Haitian proverb; “there are mountains behind mountains”
Sunday: I repent and get ready for Monday as I emotionally get ready to do this another week. I pray for wisdom and understanding. I pray for the courage to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.
Tuesday: I meet someone and we talk about feeding the hungry. She says, the day I stop having compassion for the hungry on the street is the day I should go home. I feel guilty because I have compassion for them. I see the joy in her heart as she gives food to those who ask. I feel guilty because I have passed by those same kids and not gave them food. I have stopped feeling bad cause they were beating my car for food. I go to bed guilty.
Wednesday: I go buy as much food as I can. I weep as I see a young boy so happy that he has some food. I did a good thing. The next boy throws the food back in the car cause he wanted money. I keep giving out food, most are ok with it, but few are happy with me. I go to bed feeling “good” about myself and saying, “I may not be able to feed every hungry kid, but I will feed all I can”. That night I feel good about myself. I start reading a book “when helping hurts”. Two chapters later I feel guilty again.
Thursday: I stop feeding the hungry kids beating on my window again. Not because I don’t have compassion, but because I am hurting by helping. I go to bed with the faces of those that I drove by with food and did not give.
Friday: I drive by one boy. He is not really any different than the 100’s that have knocked on my window. Just another face. Just another kid hungry. I drive off and see in my rear view window… crutches. I see the boy only has one leg. I am, guilty again.
Saturday: I come to the conclusion that after three months of this cycle, I know less now than I did when I got here. I realize how complex Haiti is. I finally understand the Haitian proverb; “there are mountains behind mountains”
Sunday: I repent and get ready for Monday as I emotionally get ready to do this another week. I pray for wisdom and understanding. I pray for the courage to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
How I ended up in Haiti
This is a long blog, so if your looking for a two minute informative or feel good read… skip this. This is a story one the journey of how I ended up in a fourth world country.
So, it’s been a while since my last blog. Honestly, I got so much heat from my unhappy American statements that I got cold feet. I need to realize that I am writing this for the future me as much as anything or anyone. I don’t want to forget how God got me here. How he has kept me here. How he as loved me here. What He has shown me. It’s been an incredible journey.
I wanted to sit down and write to my future self some things I know I will forget or at least put away when I am back in the states. I want to recall one of the most powerful moments I have had in Haiti. Now, I should say that by chance if you have word Livesay in your name, you won’t like what I am fixin to say. To be honest…. Don’t care. Hate this or not… it is what it is.
The start of my journey to Haiti.
So, I met Troy and Tara and the Tribe through our mutual friend Aaron. I guess all this started years ago when Aaron asked me to go to Haiti. When Aaron asked me, I said no. My thoughts was that Haiti needs to figure things our on there own. We need to fix our crap in the States first. We have enough starving kinds at home without trying to save the world.
At this point in life, I had pretty much considered Aaron family. We had been to battle together a few times and he is a legit guy. I don’t let many folks in my circle of influence, but once there… they stay. He and his bride are two of those folks on the inside. At the time I said no (to Haiti), I knew he was adopting and while I thought he was a bit nuts… since he was on the inside, I was stuck with him. Well, fast forward to another trip, another offer, and I still said no. Time passed and I felt God tugging on my heart to come to Haiti. I was in the middle of Wild Week (a summer camp I hang with) and Aaron called me. Aaron said… dude…. We had a drop out… you need to come with us. Without hesitating I said YES and before I knew it we were off the phone.
Have you ever had one of those conversations and when you get done you ask yourself… hum…. What the heck did I just do? This was one of those times. So, I come to Haiti. It was the end of the year (Ocotober I think) of 09. Months before the quake.
I was changed. Changed from what I thought I knew about life and what I witnessed. I am not responsible for what I have seen and what I have learned. God revealed to me that He never talked about US and THEM. It really does not take a degree in rocket engineering to do a word search in the bible on the words orphan, widow, and poor. Where I was before my trip and what I witnessed and learned after were at odds with each other. It’s like having a little voice on each shoulder arguing with each other.
If you have never been to Haiti, there are no words that can be said. No video that can be made. No storyboard that can be written…. Nothing can completely tell the story of the average Haitians life. That was all pre-quake.
Somewhere between then (1.5 years ago) and now…. I fell in love. Not with a nation… but with a family. During the months following the earthquake the Livesay family (aka Tribe) moved to the States for a while working on some adoption issues, I got to know them at least from a distance. One night specifically when they talked at the Stone (my church) I impacted. How God can use a couple for greatness who has a history of imperfection in the Kingdom was…. attractive. Those that know me know that I have done my share of ministry over they years. Teaching, home groups, revivals, road tours, worship school, Saturday night church, camp ministry. All this done… but all this done solo. I have yet to experience what this couple experienced. I witnessed a testimony from a couple that God had put together and it was beautiful.
Now, if you’re in ministry, you know as a couple its hell. Yes, hell. Satan is lion. He is crafty. Flying this journey solo has been lonely. So, seeing a couple in ministry is dang near erotic to me. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I thought I had it last year… but I failed… again. This couple however did not fail. No matter how hard the road became… they stuck together. They fought together. There was just something attractive about that. Something I felt I could observe and learn. But the more I observed, the more I fell in love.
Before you you get all Cinderella on me, these are real people. They error as much as the next couple. They fail. Get angry. They sin just like us who put our pants on one leg at a time. With all that, every day they get up, strap on the boots, and fight another day. They fight together as a team. They do it with as much love as they have in them. It’s…. the basic of basics.
Love God… Love others.
This love for the Tribe and their love for others is what brought me here. What I want to share with you… what I want to share with the future me… is the passion I see in them that I need not forget. Love hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, don’t give up. Keep pressing on. Now, all these things I have observed but God was kind enough to wrap up the one thing He wanted to show me in one picture. This one picture symbolizes so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, lessons, and how we should live life. I pray I never forget this.
Now let me setup how this picture was taken.
At PauP Fellowship church here in Haiti, I run the projector. It’s a thankless job and one that people only notice when you screw up. Do a good job, and your invisible. Pretty much the story of my life and why I guess I am comfortable doing it. This specific Sunday, I heard one of the most powerful messages of my life. Troy (The tribe leader but not the head honcho) had spoke of how Satan prowls around like a lion. Now, I don’t know if anyone else saw what I saw.. no clue… but I could see the lion prowl around has Troy talked. I looked outside the windows as the lion wanted to kill us. As Troy proclaimed the name of Jesus… Satan was pretty pissed off. Now, while the sermon was strong… what I witnessed after the summon may be one of the most telling moments of my life. In the photo below, Troy was ending in prayer. It was a GUT WRENCHING moving talk. It was personal. Real. Factual. Tears were shed by many, including me. I hurt as Troy shared intimate details of his dealing with the Lion. As Troy closed us, this is what God was kind enough to let me capture.
In typical Haiti/God time, He showed me a lifetime of lessons in a millisecond. So many things I could point out from this snapshot, but one stands out to me more than anything. The value of a woman who has a love for the Creator, her husband, her family, others, then her. Pretty much in that order. What an amazing picture of the biblical view of a husband and wife. I guess you can take anything out of this snapshot you like, but here is what I see. There is a lion viciously and patiently pursuing. He is prowling around the outer gates. Waiting and watching for weaknesses. A husband leading, praying, feverishly and passionately crying out to Jesus for protection, wisdom, and guidence. While the congregation is in prayer, there is one woman... boldly raising her hand seeking Jesus. She is in full support of Him and him. While no one sees this… He sees this (our creator) and he feels this (her husband). This one snapshot exemplifies so many things. But for me in exemplifies an imperfect couple who have found love, respect, and passion in each other and for our creator. May I never doubt the commitment and impact that imperfect people can have in a crazy world. May I never settle for less in my life.
I love you Troy and Tara (and tribe). Thank you for allowing me to walk a part of this journey with you.
So, it’s been a while since my last blog. Honestly, I got so much heat from my unhappy American statements that I got cold feet. I need to realize that I am writing this for the future me as much as anything or anyone. I don’t want to forget how God got me here. How he has kept me here. How he as loved me here. What He has shown me. It’s been an incredible journey.
I wanted to sit down and write to my future self some things I know I will forget or at least put away when I am back in the states. I want to recall one of the most powerful moments I have had in Haiti. Now, I should say that by chance if you have word Livesay in your name, you won’t like what I am fixin to say. To be honest…. Don’t care. Hate this or not… it is what it is.
The start of my journey to Haiti.
So, I met Troy and Tara and the Tribe through our mutual friend Aaron. I guess all this started years ago when Aaron asked me to go to Haiti. When Aaron asked me, I said no. My thoughts was that Haiti needs to figure things our on there own. We need to fix our crap in the States first. We have enough starving kinds at home without trying to save the world.
At this point in life, I had pretty much considered Aaron family. We had been to battle together a few times and he is a legit guy. I don’t let many folks in my circle of influence, but once there… they stay. He and his bride are two of those folks on the inside. At the time I said no (to Haiti), I knew he was adopting and while I thought he was a bit nuts… since he was on the inside, I was stuck with him. Well, fast forward to another trip, another offer, and I still said no. Time passed and I felt God tugging on my heart to come to Haiti. I was in the middle of Wild Week (a summer camp I hang with) and Aaron called me. Aaron said… dude…. We had a drop out… you need to come with us. Without hesitating I said YES and before I knew it we were off the phone.
Have you ever had one of those conversations and when you get done you ask yourself… hum…. What the heck did I just do? This was one of those times. So, I come to Haiti. It was the end of the year (Ocotober I think) of 09. Months before the quake.
I was changed. Changed from what I thought I knew about life and what I witnessed. I am not responsible for what I have seen and what I have learned. God revealed to me that He never talked about US and THEM. It really does not take a degree in rocket engineering to do a word search in the bible on the words orphan, widow, and poor. Where I was before my trip and what I witnessed and learned after were at odds with each other. It’s like having a little voice on each shoulder arguing with each other.
If you have never been to Haiti, there are no words that can be said. No video that can be made. No storyboard that can be written…. Nothing can completely tell the story of the average Haitians life. That was all pre-quake.
Somewhere between then (1.5 years ago) and now…. I fell in love. Not with a nation… but with a family. During the months following the earthquake the Livesay family (aka Tribe) moved to the States for a while working on some adoption issues, I got to know them at least from a distance. One night specifically when they talked at the Stone (my church) I impacted. How God can use a couple for greatness who has a history of imperfection in the Kingdom was…. attractive. Those that know me know that I have done my share of ministry over they years. Teaching, home groups, revivals, road tours, worship school, Saturday night church, camp ministry. All this done… but all this done solo. I have yet to experience what this couple experienced. I witnessed a testimony from a couple that God had put together and it was beautiful.
Now, if you’re in ministry, you know as a couple its hell. Yes, hell. Satan is lion. He is crafty. Flying this journey solo has been lonely. So, seeing a couple in ministry is dang near erotic to me. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I thought I had it last year… but I failed… again. This couple however did not fail. No matter how hard the road became… they stuck together. They fought together. There was just something attractive about that. Something I felt I could observe and learn. But the more I observed, the more I fell in love.
Before you you get all Cinderella on me, these are real people. They error as much as the next couple. They fail. Get angry. They sin just like us who put our pants on one leg at a time. With all that, every day they get up, strap on the boots, and fight another day. They fight together as a team. They do it with as much love as they have in them. It’s…. the basic of basics.
Love God… Love others.
This love for the Tribe and their love for others is what brought me here. What I want to share with you… what I want to share with the future me… is the passion I see in them that I need not forget. Love hard, laugh hard, fight hard, cry hard, don’t give up. Keep pressing on. Now, all these things I have observed but God was kind enough to wrap up the one thing He wanted to show me in one picture. This one picture symbolizes so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, lessons, and how we should live life. I pray I never forget this.
Now let me setup how this picture was taken.
At PauP Fellowship church here in Haiti, I run the projector. It’s a thankless job and one that people only notice when you screw up. Do a good job, and your invisible. Pretty much the story of my life and why I guess I am comfortable doing it. This specific Sunday, I heard one of the most powerful messages of my life. Troy (The tribe leader but not the head honcho) had spoke of how Satan prowls around like a lion. Now, I don’t know if anyone else saw what I saw.. no clue… but I could see the lion prowl around has Troy talked. I looked outside the windows as the lion wanted to kill us. As Troy proclaimed the name of Jesus… Satan was pretty pissed off. Now, while the sermon was strong… what I witnessed after the summon may be one of the most telling moments of my life. In the photo below, Troy was ending in prayer. It was a GUT WRENCHING moving talk. It was personal. Real. Factual. Tears were shed by many, including me. I hurt as Troy shared intimate details of his dealing with the Lion. As Troy closed us, this is what God was kind enough to let me capture.
In typical Haiti/God time, He showed me a lifetime of lessons in a millisecond. So many things I could point out from this snapshot, but one stands out to me more than anything. The value of a woman who has a love for the Creator, her husband, her family, others, then her. Pretty much in that order. What an amazing picture of the biblical view of a husband and wife. I guess you can take anything out of this snapshot you like, but here is what I see. There is a lion viciously and patiently pursuing. He is prowling around the outer gates. Waiting and watching for weaknesses. A husband leading, praying, feverishly and passionately crying out to Jesus for protection, wisdom, and guidence. While the congregation is in prayer, there is one woman... boldly raising her hand seeking Jesus. She is in full support of Him and him. While no one sees this… He sees this (our creator) and he feels this (her husband). This one snapshot exemplifies so many things. But for me in exemplifies an imperfect couple who have found love, respect, and passion in each other and for our creator. May I never doubt the commitment and impact that imperfect people can have in a crazy world. May I never settle for less in my life.
I love you Troy and Tara (and tribe). Thank you for allowing me to walk a part of this journey with you.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Proud to be an American?.... ummmm….. No.
A view from an American in Haiti.
Before you pick up a few rocks to throw them, I should share a few things first. I am a first generation American. I love my country. While I did not serve in the military, I was a cop for 10 years. I have been beat up, chased, and have seen more than one firearm barrel in my face with an intent to kill me. I live with the images of the dead I have seen… especially the children. So… fire away at my at me if you will, I am sure I deserve it.
I recently posted something on FBook about not being proud of our country. I drew flack with my view. I have waited a few days to reply because my first response was anger. Then I realized heck… I would have felt the same thing if the dirt of Haiti was not between my toes. The essence of this place cannot be seen in a video or in a photo. It cannot be told on the best storyboard.
That said, I have experienced this and am now responsible. I would be less than a follower of Christ if I did not shout out and take actions for the widows, the orphans, and the needy that I have witnessed so close to a country that is so rich. I am not called to love and care for those in America. I don’t read in scripture to love those that were lucky enough like me to be born in such a great nation. I am convinced that our Creator loves each person here that has so little hope as much as He loves my two children. How can I be proud of my amazingly great nation for what we have done here after what I have witnessed? How can I be a follower of Christ when the Gospel is littered with caring for those that are in need?
As a 20th century believer its so easy for me to look at adult couples living together and ask “how the heck can they call themselves believers and do that?”… Yet as I read the Gospel the times Christ talked about caring for the needy -vs- a guy who had 10 wives…. Well you do the math. I am not advocating multiple wives or sexual sin. I am simply convicted to try and read the Gospel as written and for Christ to break my heart for the things that breaks His. To try and take off my training as a “Christian” and try read His word as a follower of Christ.
I am… broken.
So, here is my reply to those who are not happy with me… and that’s ok, cause I ain’t happy with me either.
I have not met one American who has seen how people are living here that is remotely proud of our country and our response as a whole. How our great nation has responded to a people that on a very basic humanitarian level. While I am completely aware that this statement is disturbing to some, my greater responsibility is to share what I see. To be angry as I feel Christ would be angry. I think in 100 years the followers of Christ will look at the Christians today and scratch there head and ask… “How could they call themselves Christians and not do more with all they had?”
What else I see is a nation proclaiming to be followers of Christ that has accepted a roll of sympathy to a land that is less than 1,000 miles away from the Florida coast. IMHO, we have become perfectly content with feeling sympathy for a people that we are afraid to empathy for. Feeling empathy would require our nation to take action. Not the kind of action we see on CNN. Real action. Take action for the million children living in floating feces as the rains came down when I posted a statement on FB in anger. Yes, I am angry.
The pessimistic person in me feels if there were an unlimited amount of oil under this land… it would be a lot easier for us to be empathetic.
I challenge my friends to take action that would allow you to empathize with the people Jesus has called us to serve vs. merely sympathizing with them.
What would it take for us to really know the pain of people for whom we show sympathy towards?
Added: If I wrecked my car, I would not be proud of myself. In the same sense, I am not proud of our country and what we have done here. One of my tasks here is to drive. I have driven most of PauP in my time here. I have seen HUNDREDS of homes being built by World Vision... but have yet to see ANYTHING done by the Bush/Clinton fund. ZERO. I am sure somewhere they are doing some good.. regardless how do you allow this with money in the bank for a year?
With a million children living in muddy tents over a year later, the BCFund still has over 40 Million dollars for "relief efforts" that clearly is not reliving anything. While this is a complex problem... getting kids from living in their own filth is not rocket science.
Before you pick up a few rocks to throw them, I should share a few things first. I am a first generation American. I love my country. While I did not serve in the military, I was a cop for 10 years. I have been beat up, chased, and have seen more than one firearm barrel in my face with an intent to kill me. I live with the images of the dead I have seen… especially the children. So… fire away at my at me if you will, I am sure I deserve it.
I recently posted something on FBook about not being proud of our country. I drew flack with my view. I have waited a few days to reply because my first response was anger. Then I realized heck… I would have felt the same thing if the dirt of Haiti was not between my toes. The essence of this place cannot be seen in a video or in a photo. It cannot be told on the best storyboard.
That said, I have experienced this and am now responsible. I would be less than a follower of Christ if I did not shout out and take actions for the widows, the orphans, and the needy that I have witnessed so close to a country that is so rich. I am not called to love and care for those in America. I don’t read in scripture to love those that were lucky enough like me to be born in such a great nation. I am convinced that our Creator loves each person here that has so little hope as much as He loves my two children. How can I be proud of my amazingly great nation for what we have done here after what I have witnessed? How can I be a follower of Christ when the Gospel is littered with caring for those that are in need?
As a 20th century believer its so easy for me to look at adult couples living together and ask “how the heck can they call themselves believers and do that?”… Yet as I read the Gospel the times Christ talked about caring for the needy -vs- a guy who had 10 wives…. Well you do the math. I am not advocating multiple wives or sexual sin. I am simply convicted to try and read the Gospel as written and for Christ to break my heart for the things that breaks His. To try and take off my training as a “Christian” and try read His word as a follower of Christ.
I am… broken.
So, here is my reply to those who are not happy with me… and that’s ok, cause I ain’t happy with me either.
I have not met one American who has seen how people are living here that is remotely proud of our country and our response as a whole. How our great nation has responded to a people that on a very basic humanitarian level. While I am completely aware that this statement is disturbing to some, my greater responsibility is to share what I see. To be angry as I feel Christ would be angry. I think in 100 years the followers of Christ will look at the Christians today and scratch there head and ask… “How could they call themselves Christians and not do more with all they had?”
What else I see is a nation proclaiming to be followers of Christ that has accepted a roll of sympathy to a land that is less than 1,000 miles away from the Florida coast. IMHO, we have become perfectly content with feeling sympathy for a people that we are afraid to empathy for. Feeling empathy would require our nation to take action. Not the kind of action we see on CNN. Real action. Take action for the million children living in floating feces as the rains came down when I posted a statement on FB in anger. Yes, I am angry.
The pessimistic person in me feels if there were an unlimited amount of oil under this land… it would be a lot easier for us to be empathetic.
I challenge my friends to take action that would allow you to empathize with the people Jesus has called us to serve vs. merely sympathizing with them.
What would it take for us to really know the pain of people for whom we show sympathy towards?
Added: If I wrecked my car, I would not be proud of myself. In the same sense, I am not proud of our country and what we have done here. One of my tasks here is to drive. I have driven most of PauP in my time here. I have seen HUNDREDS of homes being built by World Vision... but have yet to see ANYTHING done by the Bush/Clinton fund. ZERO. I am sure somewhere they are doing some good.. regardless how do you allow this with money in the bank for a year?
With a million children living in muddy tents over a year later, the BCFund still has over 40 Million dollars for "relief efforts" that clearly is not reliving anything. While this is a complex problem... getting kids from living in their own filth is not rocket science.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Road rage in Haiti
If you have never driven in Haiti before, there is no good way of explaining what it’s like. The best way I know how to explain it is like leaving a mega church parking lot at 12:15pm on Sunday. It’s each man/woman/child to themselves to get out first.
The only two things that matters are
1) who was brave enough to inch up forward first
2) don’t get hit or be hit.
On one of my runs (I drop people off and pick them up to the airport here in Port au Prince) I was in one of the crazy intersections where you just inch up as far as you go, jog to the left or right, pull out in front of anyone that you feel has the breaks to stop before they hit you, and GO!. There simply is no rule(s). If you are to nice you won’t get through the intersection and you will get a verbal assault from the horn of the person behind you letting you know you are a coward.
So I have done this maybe a 100 times by now. I realize, the process and go. Now, one cannot properly describe in a blog how this works, but here goes. I entered the intersection and nosed up to the side of a dump truck crossing my path. This JERK behind him (who looked like one of those French guys by the pool that all the chicks dig, had this very hot looking lady chick next to him, and driving a car that screamed “I am special”) could have waited about 2 seconds and let me and my almost air conditioned Toyota pass, but he nosed in… cause he could. There we sat…. I am sure it was all of 10 seconds but felt like 5 minutes. My Toyata hood emblem was sited in perfectly at this bikini toting French guy. He was in my sights, a perfect bulls eye… now all I had to do is pull the trigger.
For those 10 seconds… I was so pissed off. Rage completely consumed me. I hated the fact that he out maneuvered me, drove a nicer car than me, looked like a sexy French guy, and of course… the girl. As for me, I was in a Toyota that you fill up with oil and check the gas, I won’t be caught dead in a French (insert what French guys wear in the pool here) cause I don’t have what it takes, and I was sitting next to a very unattractive man… I lost it.
To be clear, the guys in my car had no clue. I hide it well. I am a well-trained Christian man who can politely act Christ like in most any situation at the same time under my skin I am sinning like a mad man.
So we all got through the intersection and moving down the road and I found my self so angry. Just filled inside with rage. At that moment I could not tell you why I was so mad, angry, ticked… but I was all of that (inside). Now we get to the next intersection. I am thinking… revenge. So, without going into a detailed diagram of my Haiti textbook maneuvering skills, I went around the French guy and the hot chick like they were stuck in the mud and off I went. I was… victorious. You see… I had done to him what he had just done to me.
-pause-
I dropped off my passengers and on the way back I was having a little chat with God. Something that I do in the States a lot, but in Haiti you have a special pass and you don’t have to wait as long for Him to answer…. His whisper here is like a megaphone in your ear. To be clear, from the outside I did not sin. Did not do anything wrong. I drove the rules of Haiti and all was good. But inside, I had a lot to answer for to my Savior.
I asked God… hum…. “What that heck just happened?”. French guy did not do anything that I would not have, yet I was raged at him. I let my prejudice get in the way. I let my greed get in the way. You see, I like nice cars. I would love to look as hot as him by the pool, and yea… I want the hot chick next to me. I wanted all the things he had. I was consumed with greed and jealously.
I think God allowed me to rage over something I normally don’t rage about to show me the spirit of the people as a whole here. Americans come in driving cars (a car is luxury here), they come in herds (white guys in groups all taking pictures gets old to see), and of course the girl (I ain’t going there in this blog). To most Haitian’s, I am the French guy.
I am a snobby American. I come from a country that could give dignified housing to the million or so Haitians who this morning are waking up to urine soaked muddy tents, we could provide health care that is more adequate than the tents and board hospitals that I have seen, we could stop giving hand outs and start helping them help themselves, we could give more than 10% of the money in the Bush-Clinton fund help the people in Haiti today. I can’t blame them for their negative feelings about me. To them, I have it all. To me, the French guy had it all. I am sure the French guy is lusting after someone too. We all do. Some of us just hide it better than others.
Somewhere in all this I need to stop wanting what others have. I really suck at being content. I suck at being real with the folks around me. I am a master of hiding my feelings, my hurts, my fears. I am… a great 20th Century American Christian. I am a poor new testament Christian. What I aspire to be is a man who just loves Jesus and loves others regardless of the color of their skin or the wealth in their pocket.
The only two things that matters are
1) who was brave enough to inch up forward first
2) don’t get hit or be hit.
On one of my runs (I drop people off and pick them up to the airport here in Port au Prince) I was in one of the crazy intersections where you just inch up as far as you go, jog to the left or right, pull out in front of anyone that you feel has the breaks to stop before they hit you, and GO!. There simply is no rule(s). If you are to nice you won’t get through the intersection and you will get a verbal assault from the horn of the person behind you letting you know you are a coward.
So I have done this maybe a 100 times by now. I realize, the process and go. Now, one cannot properly describe in a blog how this works, but here goes. I entered the intersection and nosed up to the side of a dump truck crossing my path. This JERK behind him (who looked like one of those French guys by the pool that all the chicks dig, had this very hot looking lady chick next to him, and driving a car that screamed “I am special”) could have waited about 2 seconds and let me and my almost air conditioned Toyota pass, but he nosed in… cause he could. There we sat…. I am sure it was all of 10 seconds but felt like 5 minutes. My Toyata hood emblem was sited in perfectly at this bikini toting French guy. He was in my sights, a perfect bulls eye… now all I had to do is pull the trigger.
For those 10 seconds… I was so pissed off. Rage completely consumed me. I hated the fact that he out maneuvered me, drove a nicer car than me, looked like a sexy French guy, and of course… the girl. As for me, I was in a Toyota that you fill up with oil and check the gas, I won’t be caught dead in a French (insert what French guys wear in the pool here) cause I don’t have what it takes, and I was sitting next to a very unattractive man… I lost it.
To be clear, the guys in my car had no clue. I hide it well. I am a well-trained Christian man who can politely act Christ like in most any situation at the same time under my skin I am sinning like a mad man.
So we all got through the intersection and moving down the road and I found my self so angry. Just filled inside with rage. At that moment I could not tell you why I was so mad, angry, ticked… but I was all of that (inside). Now we get to the next intersection. I am thinking… revenge. So, without going into a detailed diagram of my Haiti textbook maneuvering skills, I went around the French guy and the hot chick like they were stuck in the mud and off I went. I was… victorious. You see… I had done to him what he had just done to me.
-pause-
I dropped off my passengers and on the way back I was having a little chat with God. Something that I do in the States a lot, but in Haiti you have a special pass and you don’t have to wait as long for Him to answer…. His whisper here is like a megaphone in your ear. To be clear, from the outside I did not sin. Did not do anything wrong. I drove the rules of Haiti and all was good. But inside, I had a lot to answer for to my Savior.
I asked God… hum…. “What that heck just happened?”. French guy did not do anything that I would not have, yet I was raged at him. I let my prejudice get in the way. I let my greed get in the way. You see, I like nice cars. I would love to look as hot as him by the pool, and yea… I want the hot chick next to me. I wanted all the things he had. I was consumed with greed and jealously.
I think God allowed me to rage over something I normally don’t rage about to show me the spirit of the people as a whole here. Americans come in driving cars (a car is luxury here), they come in herds (white guys in groups all taking pictures gets old to see), and of course the girl (I ain’t going there in this blog). To most Haitian’s, I am the French guy.
I am a snobby American. I come from a country that could give dignified housing to the million or so Haitians who this morning are waking up to urine soaked muddy tents, we could provide health care that is more adequate than the tents and board hospitals that I have seen, we could stop giving hand outs and start helping them help themselves, we could give more than 10% of the money in the Bush-Clinton fund help the people in Haiti today. I can’t blame them for their negative feelings about me. To them, I have it all. To me, the French guy had it all. I am sure the French guy is lusting after someone too. We all do. Some of us just hide it better than others.
Somewhere in all this I need to stop wanting what others have. I really suck at being content. I suck at being real with the folks around me. I am a master of hiding my feelings, my hurts, my fears. I am… a great 20th Century American Christian. I am a poor new testament Christian. What I aspire to be is a man who just loves Jesus and loves others regardless of the color of their skin or the wealth in their pocket.
Friday, February 11, 2011
What is Community?
In the last 24 hours here is a list of folks who reminded me of what community is. They reminded me of why it’s so important to have community and how blessed I am that each of them thought enough about me to message me today.
Bez & Bek: the Australian couple I am staying here with at the guesthouse. We work together to help the place run as smooth as we know how. Actually, they run it and I just drive around. They have shown me love and love for each other that is inspiring.
Levi & Kristi: Even though it was just a short few text, I got to chat with both of them today. They are the greatest kids on the planet and I don’t deserve them. I miss them and love them so much.
Megan: Perhaps a girl who shows more of the Gospel in her life than any other soul I know on this planet. We have shared some deep conversations. I LOVE getting to hear her heart. I have been blessed to really get to know some amazing young people over the last few years but this girl is really special. She has a love for Jesus and a love for others in a way that is so attractive. I have learned much from her. I hope I get to spend more time with her before I head out.
Sarah: You don’t know this but you are the one person that I listened to about going to Haiti. It was your encouragement and support that allows me to be here. I consider you one of my kids and you know my hurts, struggles, and challenges as much as any human on this planet yet at every step you encourage me. I would not be here without you. I love you.
Jimmie: Over the last year you have become perhaps my closest friend. You have heard the deepest crap of my life and still love me for reasons I don’t really understand. You excite me in your worship and desire to love Jesus more. I love to kick you in the tale for reasons I won’t say publicly and love it when you have successes in your life. It sucks that I will get back after the summer and you will be gone. I will miss you and your beautiful wife much. I know now what to say and not to say to someone who is serving out of the country. The scripture you sent me today helped me process the things going on in my heart and was heaven sent. Thank you for your desire to serve Christ, dig deeper, and share the inside of your struggles.
Bush: Since we both drank the water from the same source growing up, I get you. It’s been awesome to watch you grow your family (literally right now). I hope we get to spend more time together in the future. Thank you for your message today.
Aaron: I was not blessed with siblings but God saw the error and brought you in my life. We have shared more struggles together, have been more transparent with each other, discussed some of the dumbest theology, laughed, and simply walked life together for years. I am honored to do life with you.
Kacy: You text me some of the craziest things ever. Today’s laugh was the best. I miss our conversations and arguing with you about invitations. You have an amazing wife and I miss being called uncle harry.
Ken: Not a chance you read this but since I am only writing this for myself that is ok. You have encouraged me with your scriptures. Your hard stances on doing the right thing. Your tender heart (don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone). I miss hanging out with you.
Beard: While you are not in my daily life any more I wish you were. It was nice to say hi to you at 5am this morning.
Chris Taylor: I did not hear from you today and that hurts, but I had to say something about you because you may be a famous kicker one day this may help you remember me when you do.
Troy: I have known you only a couple of years. That said, without you I am not here. You have inspired me in ways you may never know. We have spend a few hours listening to the roosters, but not near enough… there are a lot more stories to tell. I’ll keep my uglier ones to myself lest you kick me off the island.
The above folks are my community. They don’t live next door or down the street. I have not seen some of them in a long time, yet they love me and encourage me. These are just the men and women of have talked to me in the last 24 hours. This is just part of my community. These people are just one way God shows his love to me.
Bez & Bek: the Australian couple I am staying here with at the guesthouse. We work together to help the place run as smooth as we know how. Actually, they run it and I just drive around. They have shown me love and love for each other that is inspiring.
Levi & Kristi: Even though it was just a short few text, I got to chat with both of them today. They are the greatest kids on the planet and I don’t deserve them. I miss them and love them so much.
Megan: Perhaps a girl who shows more of the Gospel in her life than any other soul I know on this planet. We have shared some deep conversations. I LOVE getting to hear her heart. I have been blessed to really get to know some amazing young people over the last few years but this girl is really special. She has a love for Jesus and a love for others in a way that is so attractive. I have learned much from her. I hope I get to spend more time with her before I head out.
Sarah: You don’t know this but you are the one person that I listened to about going to Haiti. It was your encouragement and support that allows me to be here. I consider you one of my kids and you know my hurts, struggles, and challenges as much as any human on this planet yet at every step you encourage me. I would not be here without you. I love you.
Jimmie: Over the last year you have become perhaps my closest friend. You have heard the deepest crap of my life and still love me for reasons I don’t really understand. You excite me in your worship and desire to love Jesus more. I love to kick you in the tale for reasons I won’t say publicly and love it when you have successes in your life. It sucks that I will get back after the summer and you will be gone. I will miss you and your beautiful wife much. I know now what to say and not to say to someone who is serving out of the country. The scripture you sent me today helped me process the things going on in my heart and was heaven sent. Thank you for your desire to serve Christ, dig deeper, and share the inside of your struggles.
Bush: Since we both drank the water from the same source growing up, I get you. It’s been awesome to watch you grow your family (literally right now). I hope we get to spend more time together in the future. Thank you for your message today.
Aaron: I was not blessed with siblings but God saw the error and brought you in my life. We have shared more struggles together, have been more transparent with each other, discussed some of the dumbest theology, laughed, and simply walked life together for years. I am honored to do life with you.
Kacy: You text me some of the craziest things ever. Today’s laugh was the best. I miss our conversations and arguing with you about invitations. You have an amazing wife and I miss being called uncle harry.
Ken: Not a chance you read this but since I am only writing this for myself that is ok. You have encouraged me with your scriptures. Your hard stances on doing the right thing. Your tender heart (don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone). I miss hanging out with you.
Beard: While you are not in my daily life any more I wish you were. It was nice to say hi to you at 5am this morning.
Chris Taylor: I did not hear from you today and that hurts, but I had to say something about you because you may be a famous kicker one day this may help you remember me when you do.
Troy: I have known you only a couple of years. That said, without you I am not here. You have inspired me in ways you may never know. We have spend a few hours listening to the roosters, but not near enough… there are a lot more stories to tell. I’ll keep my uglier ones to myself lest you kick me off the island.
The above folks are my community. They don’t live next door or down the street. I have not seen some of them in a long time, yet they love me and encourage me. These are just the men and women of have talked to me in the last 24 hours. This is just part of my community. These people are just one way God shows his love to me.
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